On The Cusp Of Hope
by IfUKnewUCouldNotFail
Summary: Tom's thoughts during THAT last beautiful scene between him and Rachel from the finale of season 2: A More Perfect Union.


A/N: Mwahaha! It's over again…for nearly another damn _year_ …I can already feel the withdrawal…help me!

LSLSLS

Tom turned at the first sound of her voice in the otherwise silent hallway of the formerly anonymous hotel, that was now to be called home to their Commander in Chief…and thus now the most significant structure of bricks and mortar in the country…the transition was happening as they spoke.

And she was speaking again, some unimportant nonsense regarding a report about 'epidemiological models'. In truth it probably wasn't either unimportant or nonsense, but in his defense, it had become damn difficult to think the moment he took in his first sight of her in _that dress_.

She was breathtaking…like he had never seen her, and she had stolen his breath and great many times since they had first met…starting with the very first time they had met, all those long months ago. He had ignored it then, as a good already married man should… He was experiencing far more difficulty now…

She was dressed all in black…black _lace_ that was. In truth he had seen far more of her flesh when she had been going around the ship in her already threadbare singlet's and jeans during their time in the tropics. But it was not what her current endearing wardrobe revealed that held his attention in pure rapture…it was what it _promised_ …

Breaking himself out of his unflatteringly base thoughts, he again listened to her voice speaking to him…that dignified tone that had always held a melodic nature for him…it was entrancing…

Wait. She had just said she was 'flying out?', what the hell? Immediately he demanded his foremost question of her. _Where are you going?_ The first of a great many questions her sudden and angelic appearance before him had brought.

She was answering him. Listing one _far too_ far off destination after another…

The President must have order this, there was no other way... Tom was somewhat surprised that he had not been informed. He had met with the man not five minutes ago…

Then again, Tom knew he had to get used to the fact that the President was not accountable to him, not in any way shape or form…circumstances had meant that both their personal and professional relationship had begun in a _highly_ irregular fashion, but those circumstances were mending now and their relationship was to become what it always should have been…at most friendly, but always professional.

Tom knew that Michener had not been entirely in his corner during the whole Niels murder investigation debacle. The man had not yet completely rediscovered himself…either as the man he used to be before his own personal tragedy, or the leader of the 'free world' he was to become.

If he had, Tom suspected now that he would have had much more of a fight on his hands over his decisions and handling of Rachel back on the ship.

He asks her the question that he already knows the answer to, the evidence is standing right in front of him…. in radiant glory.

She confirms it. Adding, again what he had already heavily suspected, that she had indeed been granted a pardon by the President of the United Sates and was now completely free of any consequences from her illegal actions against Niels on his ship.

She looked so smug and smiley with the pronouncement. And he realized that not a single bone in him had a problem with that. In fact it was a damn good look on her, smug and smiley... He had only seen her features marred in deep distress, far too much and far too often recently.

The change was a brilliant one.

Tom couldn't help a small smile from turning his lips at both her flirty self-assured demeanor and the information itself. He heard himself rumble a positive sounding "Hmmm" acknowledging her words.

She continued to banter with him playfully…stating a truth he could see she relished to her core.

 _Not up to_ _ **you**_ _anymore…_

She was right. Everything had changed when they had disembarked their battle-wounded home of the last many months, for the last time in many more months.

It _wasn't_ up to him anymore.

 _She_ wasn't up to him anymore.

He was just an ordinary man standing here right now.

And she was far a from ordinary, but _free_ , woman…

Yes, very smug, very beautiful…and _very sexy_.

Tom confirmed her words quite happily, an even bigger smile tugging at his features trying to escape his dwindling desire to hold it back.

They were indeed _not_ on his ship anymore, he was not in command of her in anyway anymore, her safety was not his sole concern to lose endless hours of sleep over anymore…and all of that made him breath a sigh of heavy relief.

Despite the uniform he still wore he felt the small amount of civilian still left in him rear up to snatch some satisfaction from their current situation. He really was free right now too… Freer that he had been or felt in many many months….

She was continuing her smug flirtatious banter with him, maybe even raising it a few heated notches, while stepping gloriously closer to him, and he was not complaining, on any count.

Her proposed trial for murder, _at his order_ , was now a topic to be razzed about apparently. The emphasis she put on that word ' _squirm_ ', when talking about the apparently highly entertaining thought of him taking the witness stand against her, was _not_ lost on him.

Apparently she had been entertaining thoughts on how her trial would indeed play out. Only apparently, his discomfort during said proceedings had been infinitely more interesting a consideration to her that her own ultimate fate…

What a woman…

He was openly smiling at her now…sparing with her stellar mind. Without guilt he told her that he would absolutely have stood by the decision he had made back on the James.

He just didn't tell her that he would have only done it by maintaining his faith in the system…and he would have fought like lion _within_ that system for her ultimate vindication.

Not remotely shocked by his words, she returned confidently that she would have _counted on it_ …still all sexy smiles and penetrating eyes of smooth rich chocolate...

Apparently she was not remotely offended by his words that should have been to her extreme disfavor.

Despite the ease in which she took his pronouncement, Tom couldn't prevent himself from going on to explain himself. Explain that he would have done _everything_ he could to achieve her _legal_ release…and he added that every one of the 204 people on their ship would have done the same for her.

A more serious and if he was honest, even more powerful look passed between them then…something that came from a lot more than just light flirtation with a beautiful woman and the slow unburdening of two weary souls.

A singular thought had hit him practically immediately upon seeing her in that heavenly dress of black lace and tassels, and the words had tried to pass his lips multiple times during their brief encounter…but now he couldn't stop them.

With real passion and building lust heavy in his voice he told her exactly, _simply_ and genuinely what he thought of that dress… _and her in it._

He couldn't help himself, his eyes traveled back down her sleek black lace clad form again…as they had been wanting to do since she had first walked up to him.

And how amazingly and shockingly _adorable…_

She seemed _embarrassed_ at his small compliment. Was that _even possible_ with such an utterly ravishing mature woman? Surely she had been worshipped by a trove of men everywhere she'd ever gone…

He watched as she self-consciously pulled at her dress, her head dipping and her facial features contorting in what made for one of the cuteness things he's ever seen.

She explained that the dress was a loaner from the Judge that had sworn in the President's, daughter. She was so bashful as a she spoke…as he had never seen her before.

It was _endearing_ …every damn thing, new and old, he learned about her was. She proceeded to explain that the woman had insisted that her usual attire of jeans were simply not appropriate for an Inaugural Presidential Ball.

He watched as she took another step closer to where he stood, again he heard himself _rumble_ and then _croon_ his very approving reply, his mind filling with copious ideas of what he could do with her in that dress…or even just the jeans for that matter…

 _You could have pulled it off._

Yes, pull it off was _exactly_ what he wanted to do right now.

Tom knew neither his features nor the much deeper rumble of his voice were hiding the increasingly passionate nature of his thoughts from her.

And he was right. From the look she was now giving him…that they were now sharing…it was clear that she was very much aware of the turn his thoughts and desires had taken.

Though was it really a turn? Or was he just finally not stamping down on his own natural reaction to this woman?

The moment continued…grew.

She came closer.

He stopped breathing.

Eventually he realized it was her intent to hand him the manila shaded envelope she carried… _very personally._ He glanced down at the offending item _literally_ coming between them right now. Though Tom did take immense comfort that her passionate gaze in those moments had not broken from his either…

For several long moments they stayed like that, connected…though only by means of both their fingers still lightly caressing the same piece of nondescript paper…

It wasn't enough.

It wasn't _nearly_ enough.

More long moments passed with no words, just gazes. Tom didn't question it. She was here, before him, it was just the two of them…alone.

They were alone, things were finally looking good and both of them were the nearest they had been to happy in a _very_ long time… He wanted the moment to last. Moments like this fed the soul, they were pure and the stuff that a life lived well was made of. They gave him the reason to continue to fight when times were bad, as they had been far to frequently recently.

With her before him now, both of them dressed in their finest, he thought that her finest performed the miracle of immortalizing her into an ancient goddess, rising before his eyes…

 _I'll see you when I see you._

Wait. He can't have heard that right…

What did she say?

 _No!_ His mind screamed…

This _can't_ be over so soon.

It's not just goodbye for tonight.

She said she was _leaving_ …

Getting on a plane…

Travelling west…

Then travelling _further_ west…

I might not see her for months...

Anything could happen….

To _either_ of us…

But most of all to _her_ …

 _No!..._

His mind tormented him with terrible thoughts at a mile a minute now. Mere seconds ago he had been so incredibly happy…for the first time in _so_ long…Now all he could feel was cold hard fear… _for her_ … _for them_.

This couldn't be happening. The military man finally managed to overtake the lust-fueled one that had begun to take hold the second he had seen her in that dress.

He was staying here. Where it was safe, secure…or at least as much as exited in this new world. He was even going to bring his family here, it was an order and he would do it. He agreed that this place was indeed safe now, relatively speaking that was...

This was where the President would be, this place would be protected…but she was headed _out there…_ _ **without him**_ _._

And she was leaving to go and _literally_ chase what danger that still lay in wait for her out there too. She said it herself, by chasing this new outbreak, she was most likely heading into an immune nest…trap even. The Red Flu virus was still the weapon preferred by the remaining hostile 'dead enders' as she had put it.

That didn't mean they weren't still dangerous.

Quite the contrary…

They had clearly demonstrated their readiness and willingness to resort to other forms of mass murder in New Orleans, and unfortunately he did not share the President's confidence that the immune threat was effectively impotent at this point…despite all the pardons the man had handed out to those monster's...for the greater good apparently.

For the first time Tom felt himself experience a true moment where he might actually be coming close to understanding Rachel and her motivations and actions in regards to Niels.

Tom was having a damn hard time swallowing his rage against the newly pronounced pardoned monsters of the immune army…McDowell most of all.

But what if Niels had survived? What if the biggest monster and mass murderer of them all had withheld his vital knowledge even longer…causing even more deaths…and eventually traded it for a pardon, thus being _rewarded_ for his intransigence _….and evilness_?

As hard a time as he was having now, Tom really didn't think he could have swallowed that. Not to mention the rest of his ship…and humanity.

Was that what had really happened on his ship? Had Rachel just seen further ahead than any of them and acted accordingly, headless to any personal consequences?

He almost laughed out loud at that. Of course she didn't consider her own personal consequences! The woman hadn't done that once since he met her! If her own personal safety was remotely a concern she wouldn't have done a great many things.

Starting with a profession that involved chasing deadly diseases around the planet, including insistences of getting on his ship to start with… _and the Vyerni for that matter_ , the killing of Niels, the test injection of her contagious cure into her _own_ system… and now this new perilous quest of which she was about to embark… _without him._

It seemed fundamentally wrong somehow, after so long together, in such hazardous times, for them to amazingly come through it all together and yet separate _now_.

And the macho military man in him thought it was damn well disgusting for him to be remaining here, in relative safety, while _she_ pushed headlong into the still extremely dangerous unknown _out there_.

One thing he did know was that they wouldn't be here now, finally on the cusp of actually hope, if it had not been for her, and her at the time _condemnable_ actions, aboard his ship.

Tom was forced to admit… _to himself_ …that he knew that was for _sure_.

The contagious cure had been the absolute key to recent _finally_ positive events. Even though she had roared at him that she hadn't _had_ to kill Niels when they had fought back on the _James_ …a fact that had made him absolutely livid at the time, further investigation had revealed that all she had meant was she _might_ have been able to get the answers from his living body… _if_ she had had months to do so…and _he_ had been the one to tell her in no uncertain terms that _that_ was not good enough.

Tom was brought back to the present at the first movement of the woman he had come to need his fixes of…as if he was some kind of junkie to her luscious charms…away from him. It was almost physically painful to watch her move away…the first steps she would be taking out of many that would put them at far too great a distance from one another… _and for far too long_.

By this time tomorrow there would be thousands of miles of distance between them….when for months and months now there had barely ever been more then a few hundred feet between them at any one time…at least for any _length_ of time…but now she would be gone for _months_ …

Her mission, like her original one to the arctic, but this time not one that included him being there to protect and support her…it was just _wrong_.

As she moved away from him she smiled serenely, as if she were the sole keeper of some delicious secret he would have to wait to become privy to.

So many words, so many things to say to her in these very last moments before the severe draught he now knew was about to come. He settled on a command, an important one she needed to heed… _to be safe_.

She had to remain safe…she just _had to_.

She had been facing away from him, walking away from him…but she turned at his few words to her, her form in _stunning_ statuesque profile…

"When you get back… _find me."_ He delivered the words with a tone deliberately endowed with deep meaning and he had meant every last bit of it. He had _tried_ to endow those words with the real message he felt… _deeply wanted_ , but as yet could not quite say…

Come back to _me_ …

Come back and _be with me_ …

 _Be mine…_

 _Forever…_

THE END

A/N: Reviews have been known to help treat fictional character related withdrawal symptoms… ;-P


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